黃佩蓉，你真的很難搞耶!

以前你喜歡的人不喜歡你，你哭~
可是為什麽現在跟喜歡你的人說你不喜歡他，你也哭呢？
大笨蛋！
大白吃！
無聊鬼！
話才說出口，馬上就後悔了~ 你可以再沒用一點~
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他問我可不可以給他第二次機會...
但是我覺得這第二次機會不是我給的，是要他自己爭取的.
想了整晚，我想如果他願意再試一次，我會把機會給他，也會把機會給自己.

I did it

After considering over the past few wks.... I am finally determined enough to pluck up my courage to give him a proper rejection... He is very eligible... someone that fits all my criteria... but i just don't feel anything >"<
i dunno what's wrong with me man....
i was actually very worried that i will regret this decision down the road... but i guess i will never noe if i don't do it...
besides... i really think it's unfair if i just keep him hanging there...
i am really really REALLY very sorry!!!!!!
i guess i m just 犯賤... ppl treat me nicely i don't want.. die oso wanna go after somebody who is not interested in me :(

dun wanna say liao... just take note that I cried n cried while writing this blog..... I am really really very very sorry that I've hurt someone so much... someone who has been really nice n sweet to me... probably i won't be able to meet someone like this anymore.. and by then i will noe it's my 報應...

I don't like confrontation... most of the time I will just hide or escape from all kinds of confrontation... I simply don't enjoy ppl smacking into my face with truth, unkind words, kind words, criticism etc. In another words, I prefer things to be done or msg passed through in a subtle way. But today... something got into me and I decided to come face to face with it. It's something I've never done before... I guess it's because I really had enough of it? After countless sms and emails, I decided to put all these to a stop. Especially when I realised lies and "traps" were involved...

But after some communication, 我又心軟了. This is bad... I am not sure if I handled this situation in the best way (most probably not.. since i am a newbie). But I think I am pretty good in acting... So to continue pretending nothing ever took place shouldn't be difficult...

Anyway... today is damn bloody shitty!!! A few of my colleagues will be leaving by my month end... they are ppl whom I am really close to... and they are leaving.. morale just dropped to negative... :((( why like that? Why issit that history has to repeat itself? Can I just leave everything behind and run away as well? It's in time like this.. where i just feel like accepting someone, get married and heck care all the work in office >"< Usually I will just cry it out... If I am having such thoughts... believe me... situation is beyond control...

It's been a while

The last time I went for church service was in Aug/Sep 2005... 3 yrs ago! That's really long... Although my faith is still as strong.. I don't know what have I been doing... I guess 1) Ppl who invited me to church, are all from my previous church. 2) No other friends to bring me to other church. There were times where I doubted myself: Was it a wrong decision to leave that church? After several prayers, the answer I got from my Lord is evident - No.

I wanna thank God for being so patient and forgiving these 3 years. Although I haven't been growing very much sprititually these few years, He never left me. That's probably because He knows the faith that's in me. I must confess. At times, it's just plain laziness. I guess it's time to for a change. God chose this time for me to meet Jingyu. I believe He did it for a reason. I shall keep myself in prayers and scriptures to find out. Although the sermon wasn't like the best I've attended, and the format is very much like my previous churches, it is milder. Here is a song they sang at closing today. And it happens to be my FAVOURITE song since sec sch!!

My All in All

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

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On another note, I have been kind of busy this whole week. Haven't really had time to accompany my Dad, who is back for my Grandma's birthday. Went to work at 8am on Mon, Tue and Thurs... Went dinner with my darlings, colleagues and some other ppl... It's kind of overwhelming for a 宅女 like me... But then again.. I did enjoy them all. Be it a group outing or 1-2-1 date, I enjoyed the company. Speaking of 1-2-1 date... As per my 姐妹(Jeremy Kang)'s definition, date is just 2 person going out, without any hidden agenda or any underlying meaning, just simply a dinner or a movie with a normal friend. I am starting to understand this more and more! And I do agree to his definition more and more! Of course I enjoy some (in fact just that ONE) to some others more. But since there isn't any hidden agenda, I shan't be imagining things too much. But but but!! Can I have more (of that ONE date)? :p